Our Love Story is My Favorite

I know I’ve never fully told the story of Jack and I’s first kiss. I know I gave a gist of it, and it was really vague. Well, our one year anniversary is coming soon and I move back to school on Sunday so, I figured I would write this down for you. The night I met Jack, I was having a little pizza party with my RA and two friends. My sister left campus for the weekend and my roommate at the time did as well. Before the pizza party, however, I went to dump my trash out, and across from the trash shoot was a dorm room with the door open. Inside the room was a man I was familiar with. Derek, was Jack’s roommate, and he was “familiar” with my roommate.

I stood in the doorway and placed my trash can on the floor as I spoke to Derek, in a conversation in which his roommate Jack, a stranger at the time, chimed in; on my side of course. However, when Derek became homophobic and questioned my sexuality, I left in a hurry, of course leaving behind my trash can. I should also note, this occurred on Friday, of Labor Day weekend, and Derek was going home for the 3 day weekend.

Anyways, I storm out, angry. Turns out that when this entire blowup happened, Jack got the idea that I was a lesbian. Anyways. I go to my RA’s room, have my pizza party and go back to my room to throw something away; only to see that I don’t have my trash can. So I swallow my pride, and grimace the entire way down the hall to go get my trash can. I knock on the door, expecting Derek to answer, when to my surprise, Jack does. He says

“Oh, you must be here for this.” He held out my trash can and I blush slightly and work up the nerve to ask if I can come in and hang out. He invites me in and we sit close together, watching things on the computer together and getting to know one another. We moved from his desk to his bed, as I sat beside him and we spoke more. Me about my depression, him about his hard life. And he said something that has since slipped from my mind, and it was so sweet. I leaned in to kiss his cheek, and he turned his head. Our lips connected, and I pulled away and gasped. But, I leaned in and kissed him again, and then I hid my face in his chest. We stayed frozen for what seemed like an eternity and then he moved to stand up. He drank some water and said we will see where it goes.

By this time, it’s 3 in the morning, and he says he’s going to bed. I decide I am too, and I moved over and slept in his bed with him. There was a comfortable silence as we laid together, and I slowly reached my way up to his lips so I could kiss him in the dark. When I finished, I cuddled close to him and we drifted off to sleep.

We’ve been together ever since.

-Jane

To All the Boys Who Didn’t Love Me

To all the boys who didn’t love me:

I understand that you may not love me, I’m fat, but that’s okay. I’m happy. You didn’t love me because I was a “bitch,” but today I stand and empower young women. You didn’t love me because I wouldn’t give you any part of my body, and when I refused, you told me it was ugly anyways. You didn’t love me because I tried to offer my brain, but you weren’t interested. Or maybe you did love me, until you found someone better.

I don’t hate or condemn you for not loving me, you didn’t have to, and I’m glad you didn’t want to. You placed me in these categories which define me only in your mind.

When I see the few of you around, which is rare, I smile and greet you, making small talk. One or two of you message me on Facebook or keep up with my instagram. I’m fine with speaking to you, and relating, sharing stories if we have the time. But something makes me sad; when you point out how happy I look, or how you’re happy about my engagement, and when you make remarks about how I could have been the “one.” That’s not fair to me..

You don’t get to decide that I could have been the one after you decided you didn’t love me to begin with. Are you truly sad that you let me go, or are you sad that you see how beautiful I am when I’m happy with the love of my life?

I fell in love with someone who tells me I’m worth loving every single day.

-Jane