Category: change

What Now?

On By janewrites2020In change, coping, learningLeave a comment

So I’m trying to blog more regularly now as a way to help myself cope with entering the real world. I have a physical diary obviously, but sometimes it’s cathartic to just put some words and thoughts out into the world, or even just the internet.

Today I am working my office job, and it’s a little slow today. I have been reflecting all morning about my college career and how much my life has changed since graduating. I was telling a friend this morning that I miss college because of all the excitement, you know? I miss the festivities and the freedom college offered, with minimal responsibilities. I didn’t have to worry monthly about paying rent and I didn’t have to worry about getting to work on time and things like that. I have to realize that my time at college has come to an end, it’s over. I accomplished the things I set out to do and I need to cope with that.

The question is, how?

-Jane

The Real World

On By janewrites2020In change, jane, learning, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Wow, it’s been so long. My life has been a whirlwind of things. I successfully graduated college with dual English degrees and a Women and Gender Studies minor. Jack and I are still together. We currently live together in a an apartment in my home town. I didn’t want to end up here, but here I am. I wanted to go to a larger area after graduation for more job opportunities for myself, but Jack got a spot in the Masters program in Physician Science here in this area.

I’ve been spending a lot of times thinking about what I want to do with my life. If I want to pursue some higher education, what I would like to pursue, I haven’t really decided. Tonight, I have been struggling with a little bit of sadness because my alma mater starts classes tomorrow and it’s strange to watch everyone attend but me, because I finished what I had set out to do. It has always been hard for me to move on when things in my life end. I had no problem with high school ending, but I had a little bit of a problem transitioning to college, and then when college started, I had problems when it came to long breaks and going home, etc.

I’m still trying to find my footing, but I currently work 2 jobs and am taking it one day at a time.

-Jane

I’m Back!

On By janewrites2020In change, college, coping, diary, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Boy, it’s certainly been a while, hasn’t it? Let’s catch up!

I’ve recently turned 21, back in October; I’ve missed the anniversary of the blog, I’ve lost some friends who I thought were good for me, and I almost lost my father to sepsis after a botched operation.

Jack and I are still together, and I’ve learned that those you hold closest to you won’t be there for you when you need them. I lost friends over the fact that my father was on the brink of death. My dad had a gangrenous gallbladder, and when it was removed, the doctor cut open his bile duct. My dad spent a few weeks in the ICU because of this. The few friends I had decided that I was being petty and dramatic by backing out of a school trip to be with my father; and they haven’t spoken to me since. It hurt at first, but then I realized how nasty and toxic they are, and they aren’t friends I need.

I found solace in the true friends I have, and our friendships have grown even stronger. College is moving by quickly, and it is such a privilege for me to even be able to be attending, so I’m not going to waste my time on people who don’t care about me. I’ve been stewing over it since it happened a few months ago, but what’s the point? Why be friends with them when they will just talk shit?

I’m a lot happier now, and I see that. I think being able to get my feelings out, whether it be on here or in my journal, has made it tremendously easier. Of course, in my journal I write down everything I want to say to their face, but I won’t.

Classes are going well and I hope all my readers are doing well. I plan to write another post after this one, I’ve missed blogging.

-Jane