Tag: College

Cuckold

On By janewrites2020In college, Shakespeare, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’m currently sitting in a Shakespeare class, and we are discussing Othello and the word “Cuckold”. What is cuckold? It is a word that is used for a man when his wife cheats on him. There is no female counterpart word; nothing for when a man cheats on a lady.

Why is it that a man is scared to be cuckold? Pride, apparently. Men can’t stand to be cheated on; it bruises their ego. My friend whispered to me when the professor mentioned cuckold, my friend said “masculinity is so frail.” And it truly is. Women are expected to exact their petty revenge, pick themselves up and move on. Men, more times then not, become violent.

I find it interesting, the idea that it’s okay to betray women, but not men.

-Jane

!

On By janewrites2020In feminismLeave a comment

Hello everyone! I’m not dead!

I’ve missed you all so much! I’ve missed writing, and I’ve missed relaxing, but things of course are getting hectic since the school semester is winding down to summer break. I am still in school, still studying English writing, however Friday I will be meeting with my advisor to declare another major of English literature and a minor of women and gender studies.

Jack and I are still happily together, and studying hard to make a wonderful life for ourselves. I don’t have much time to update everyone because it’s late, but I’ll be back soon, I promise!

-Jane

Trigger Warning

On By janewrites2020In anxiety, coping, feminism, nervousLeave a comment

It’s been a while, but I’ve been struggling a lot lately with fake friends and internal feelings. I can’t remember if I’ve ever shared this but since I was a young girl, I was sexually assaulted by two boys. Never in isolated incidents, but at least twice for the first boy, and for a few years with the second one. For some reason, it’s been weighing heavy on my heart.

It’s been reported but I never got the closure, I never got to look them in their faces to tell them how badly they fucked my life up. I never got to tell them that for a long time I forgot they ever touched me, that they never touched my skin and never touched my life, but suddenly I think of what happened, how I couldn’t stop everything they did to me. I could stop them from raping me but I couldn’t stop anything else?

Am I a hypocrite for advocating for empowered women, but I couldn’t even save myself? I think it’s absolutely important to discuss this in light of situations such as the Donald Trump fiasco, because being accused of lying, isn’t gonna stop women. I think society should stop acting as if we made our trama, our assaults, our experiences up and start trying to help us heal. What are you doing to the other women in this world when you step up and tell a woman you don’t believe her, that you think she is a liar?

I’ve tried to hide what happened to me for so long because I was ashamed, I was scared, who would believe me, who would help me? Who could I trust? I can answer that; no one. No one took me seriously, no one believed me until I came to college. My parents and boyfriend are an exception of course, but you can only hear so much of the same thing before it’s ineffective.

I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want to be a survivor, I never wanted this to happen to me. I didn’t want this to happen to anyone. I feel as if I’m a knot that wasn’t tied off, I’m fraying and I don’t know what to do.

I’m honestly at a stand still.

How You Love

On By janewrites2020In UncategorizedLeave a comment

I think as a growing mentor and activist to the feminist community, I need to touch down on a few of many topics. Today I want to discuss healthy relationships. I read an article that suggested to know your value, standards and worth then you need to enter an unhealthy relationship where someone treats you like “shit.” The author literally and seriously suggested dating an abusive partner so you can appreciate being treated well when you move on.

How can someone honestly suggest to any other human that they should enter a relationship with someone who is toxic and dangerous? The risks involved are mind-blowing. A person in such a relationship could experience mental, physical and emotional abuse.

If you date someone who tells you that you aren’t good enough or that no one wants you, you could start to believe it. You would feel worthless and unworthy. The author suggests that you fall in love with a person such as described,  then get your heart broken. Then you’ll heal and find sone one who treats you well. 

Um.. no. Do NOT put yourself through that abuse. It is possible to lay out standards of what you deserve and you will find someone worthy. I promise. 

Do not degrade yourself. Love yourself.

-Jane 

Our Love Story is My Favorite

On By janewrites2020In Uncategorized2 Comments

I know I’ve never fully told the story of Jack and I’s first kiss. I know I gave a gist of it, and it was really vague. Well, our one year anniversary is coming soon and I move back to school on Sunday so, I figured I would write this down for you. The night I met Jack, I was having a little pizza party with my RA and two friends. My sister left campus for the weekend and my roommate at the time did as well. Before the pizza party, however, I went to dump my trash out, and across from the trash shoot was a dorm room with the door open. Inside the room was a man I was familiar with. Derek, was Jack’s roommate, and he was “familiar” with my roommate.

I stood in the doorway and placed my trash can on the floor as I spoke to Derek, in a conversation in which his roommate Jack, a stranger at the time, chimed in; on my side of course. However, when Derek became homophobic and questioned my sexuality, I left in a hurry, of course leaving behind my trash can. I should also note, this occurred on Friday, of Labor Day weekend, and Derek was going home for the 3 day weekend.

Anyways, I storm out, angry. Turns out that when this entire blowup happened, Jack got the idea that I was a lesbian. Anyways. I go to my RA’s room, have my pizza party and go back to my room to throw something away; only to see that I don’t have my trash can. So I swallow my pride, and grimace the entire way down the hall to go get my trash can. I knock on the door, expecting Derek to answer, when to my surprise, Jack does. He says

“Oh, you must be here for this.” He held out my trash can and I blush slightly and work up the nerve to ask if I can come in and hang out. He invites me in and we sit close together, watching things on the computer together and getting to know one another. We moved from his desk to his bed, as I sat beside him and we spoke more. Me about my depression, him about his hard life. And he said something that has since slipped from my mind, and it was so sweet. I leaned in to kiss his cheek, and he turned his head. Our lips connected, and I pulled away and gasped. But, I leaned in and kissed him again, and then I hid my face in his chest. We stayed frozen for what seemed like an eternity and then he moved to stand up. He drank some water and said we will see where it goes.

By this time, it’s 3 in the morning, and he says he’s going to bed. I decide I am too, and I moved over and slept in his bed with him. There was a comfortable silence as we laid together, and I slowly reached my way up to his lips so I could kiss him in the dark. When I finished, I cuddled close to him and we drifted off to sleep.

We’ve been together ever since.

-Jane